The English Maximalista

It is a truth universally acknowledged that, if the English Maximalista needs to learn a lesson, she needs to learn it the hard way.

Or, as happens more frequently, needs an obvious solution to be pointed out. Step-by-step. Preferably with illustrations. Explained — and this is key — softly and slowly. But not condescendingly. It’s a tight rope on which to walk.

This was the case last week, when I was on the phone with Mummy Dearest, complaining to her about the peel-and-stick wallpaper I had put in the vestibule last year that was now, annoyingly, unpeeling-and-unsticking.

I was telling her about my project of that day, which involved taking down all the pictures from the vestibule walls, removing that blasted wallpaper, then putting it back up the old-fashioned way: with professional-grade wallpaper paste.

Needless to say, I was not looking forward to doing any of this. Hence the telephone call to my mother. Classic Maximalista procrastination tactics. Works every time.

Thankfully, the voice of an angel entered my cochlea. No, it was not my mother… it was her life partner, Mr Mummy Dearest, whom I heard piping up in the background, “why don’t you iron the walls to reactivate the glue?” 

Um, why didn’t *I* think of that?! [Reference paragraphs 1 & 2, above.] Recognising a good idea when I hear one, I thought I’d give it a go. However, it is a lifelong habit of mine to AVOID using my iron, so I decided to use my hairdryer instead. What’s that expression about working smarter, not harder?

And guess what, gentle reader? IT WORKED! Almost a week later, the original adhesive is still adhering. I am overjoyed.

The hairdryer trick was instantaneously quick and easy. My iron remains untouched on the laundry room shelf for another month. These are exactly the kind of results I like.

*****

The leaping cheetahs on the vestibule wallpaper got me to thinking about animal prints in decor. Apparently, it’s quite a divisive theme. Who knew?

Personally, I love it. I don’t mean in the gilded Caesar’s Palace vulgar kind of way. (Although if that’s YOUR thing, then you go, girl!) I mean using splashes of it in an ironic, fun, kitschy kind of way. Sadly, Mr Maximalista is not really a fan, so I have to be discreet in any applications around our home. 

Who’s going to tell Mr Maximalista about this invasion in our home?Clue: Not I!

I’m not saying he’s dead boring, or anything. But as an example: the girls and I would love to put a funky antelope- or tiger-print carpet on the stairs, when we can afford to replace the existing shag carpet. Par for the course, Mr M is steadfastly adamant in refusing our pleas, despite being outnumbered. So much for democracy.

Okay. So maybe he’s being a little bit boring? [Edit: Mr Maximalista told me to tell you he is NOT being boring. Whatever.] Let me know if you think it is my wifely duty to gently remind him that he has a university degree in *stifles yawn* Economics?

Every once in a while, I will attempt to throw him off course by “randomly” showing him a picture off Pinterest, hopeful that he will be enraptured and unguardedly proffer positive utterances, but he’s a very smart man. [Economics degree, hello.] He’s not one to be duped easily… and believe me, in the case of the funky antelope print carpet, I am putting forth my best effort to hoodwink him. 

Watch this space…

Lots of love,

M xo